Saying Goodbye

~Summer after Draven left~

Dusk,

I know you'll never get this letter, but I had to tell you how I feel. My therapist thinks it will help me finally let you go. Like that will ever happen. So here goes.

You're leaving nearly killed me. It still hurts. But what hurts more is that I still feel you. I still feel the love you have for me. Does this fucking bond ever fade? Or am I stuck feeling this for life? Not really sure I can handle feeling you all the time.

Dad says you're never coming back. He says you never loved me, that I was just a stupid little whore to you. But I know he's wrong. Like I said I can feel your love.

Are you coming back? Ever? And why? Why did you just up and leave? Did I do something wrong? I know you loved me. I know it like I know the sun will come up everyday.

Everyone tells me to just take the ring off, put it away and move on. Not so easily done. Its been four months since you left. Four agonizing months of missing you. I spent the first two in the hospital. The last two I've spent lying on the beach remembering all the nights we spent together.

This boy from school asked me out, but he only wanted sex. So I said NO. I don't want to date. I just want you.

I know you aren't coming back. I know it with my entire soul. It just hurts, you know? I don't want to live without you. I don't want to feel. I just want to be with you.

But that's not possible. You're gone. And I somehow have to find a way to let you go. I have no clue how to do that. I wish you were here so you could tell me.

I miss talking to you all night. I miss being able to tell you everything I'm feeling and how you never laugh at it. I miss feeling safe. Yep, that's what I miss most. Feeling SAFE.

I don't know if I ever will again.

So I guess this letter is my goodbye to you. The one I never got to say. The one you never said to me.

Only problem is, I can't say goodbye to you Dusk. I can't. Not now, not ever.

So, until we meet again my darling Dusk. I will love you until my death.

Love and kisses,

Sunshine