The Ramblings of a Tortured Soul

How do you just walk away from a love like this? And how do you continue to hurt yourself over and over because you love someone?

I've tried to walk away, more than once. Hell I HAVE walked away, only to go right back within a matter of days. I've begged and pleaded and cried and yelled and yet here I go again.

Do you ever get over a love like this? I mean ever? Even if you find the strength to walk away do you always compare everyone to that person? I thought I knew once upon a time. Now I'm realizing that it's going to be a long long way to happy for me.

I just keep going back for more. WHY?

Hell we all know why. I love him. I love him more than I ever thought it possible to love another soul.

And I just keep on loving him, even when I know it hurts me. I can't just turn it off. I'm left in pieces after every single encounter. I've stopped picking up the pieces now. Why bother?

But damn if I can walk away. I just can't give him up. It's like an addiction. And I know it's silly and vampires don't breathe, but I can actually breathe when he's around.

It's like I can just be me and it's ok. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. He knows I have bad days and he lets me. He knows I cry and he lets me. Hell he holds me and tells me that eventually it will all be ok. And he offers advice but always says that I'll figure it out and that he'll be there if I need him.

We're good together. He makes me laugh and smile. I see the world differently when he's around. It's like it's all brand new again and so much fun to be in.

Why would I want to walk away from that?

Because it's killing me slowly and surely. And I keep letting it. Simply because I love him.

Everyone says it's time to walk away. And I probably should. But I don't want to. I've tried. I've tried so hard to just quit him.

And I always end up on the floor, sobbing and lost. Everything turns gray when he's gone.

He claims to not know love and maybe he doesn't. But I do.

I hate what this love has done to me. I hate feeling like I'm broken. Like I can't function.

Yet, I find myself right back there, standing in front of him, wanting him. And he wants me. I feel it every time he touches me. Every time he looks at me.

But all it is is temporary happiness that I enjoy in the moment. By morning I'm a broken mess once more. So I guess what I need to know is....

Is he my greatest love or the greatest disappointment in my life???

Sunshine