A Mother's Love

"Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children."


~16th Birthday~

You only turn 16 once and it should be special right? I'd asked Dusk to find my mother for months. He'd said he'd tried and no such luck. Well the night of my birthday he handed me a package with the most beautiful dress in it I could ever imagine. After he told me to put it on, he led me out to the car and we set out on a voyage that would eventually lead to the greatest gift I've ever received.

We pulled up to the small house and I looked at Dusk. Without a word he ushered me to the door and when it opened my Mom was standing there. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes and I just ran into her arms. This was the first time I'd seen my mother in ten years.

She was just as beautiful as I remembered and still smelled like Chanel No. 5. I felt like a child all over again. Like I was that little girl she'd left behind. I was so overcome with emotions. I couldn't stop the tears and it took several long minutes for Dusk to get my arms from around her.

We spent the night with my mom, just Dusk and I. He never told me how he found her or why she wasn't with the nest of her lover, but I was so happy to just see her. We talked about everything. Like how school was and if I was involved in arts like she always wanted. My mom is the most amazing painter,her paintings should be in museums. I remember them so well. Even though I was little when she left I'll never forget sitting on the floor of her studio while she painted.

To this day the smell of acrylics makes me think of her. My dad always kept her paintings hanging in the house. And I used to just sit for hours staring at them. Missing her. I don't know what happened to them all later. But they weren't there after I moved out. I'd give anything to just have one of her paintings.

I always longed to be the little girl who's mommy came to the class parties, who organized the field trips. But it wasn't meant to be. I was always going to be the little girl who's mom walked out. The little girl who's mom didn't love her enough to stay.

She wasn't there for all of my important moments. Like the first time I kissed a boy, or when my softball team won the championship, or my first real date. She wasn't there to protect me from my father, or for me to talk to when I needed her. And yet I still hoped for a moment of her life. I still wanted so desperately to be her little Sunshine.

My mother's smile used to brighten the world. And when she left I never thought I'd see the light again. Until Dusk found her. For me. He did it for me. I got to visit with her often for awhile, but then Dusk disappeared and I had no way of contacting her. Or even knowing if she wanted to see me anymore. And I needed her so bad when he left. I needed my mom. My heart was broken and my mom wasn't there to fix it.

I don't even know if she knows I'm vampire now. Or that Dusk is back, or that he ever left. I miss her. I miss my mom. There are so many things I want to say to her. So many questions I have. Like why? Why did she leave us? Was her vampire worth leaving her children for? Did she know what Daddy did to me all those years? And if she did, why didn't she stop him?

I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to ask her these things and honestly, I'm not sure I want to know the answers. I've always wondered if she ever loved me. But I've never doubted my love for her.

I love you Mom. Where ever you are.

Sunshine.