Self Destruction

It's what I do best.

I have to stop this or I'm going to ruin it all. But how does one stop torturing herself?

Hell if I know. I just have to find a way to stop this. I walked away from everything for a chance at happiness. And I'm more miserable now than before I met either of them.

One can't make up his mind if I'm who he wants and the other, well the other just tells me the truth, no matter how bad I want him to lie.

And here I am, self destructing. Its what I know. And I've known it for far too long now. Time to stop.

So today, it ends.

I have to find a way to be happy without either of them. That's when I'll truly start to live.

Any ideas on how to do that? Because, I'm lost as hell here.

No, I'm not giving up on him. And no I'm not having second thoughts about my choices. I'm just trying to find a way to make myself happy on my own. I'm sick of being miserable because some guy can't fucking decide if I'm worth being with.

I am damnit. I'm worth risking it all for.

Love and kisses

Sunshine.

Yep, ending it there, because there's nothing left to say. I AM WORTH IT!

Undead and Loving It

So, I've completely turned my undeath upside down. Why? Because it needed it. Its time for me to be ME again. As much as I love and care for Draven, I am not the girl he left behind. I am different.

I hated hurting him, but I had to be honest with not only him, but with myself. And so I was. Maybe I didn't do it the right way, but it's done now. There is no turning back. My decision is made.

I choose ME.

Now, for that smokin hot demon. Yes, he is what I want, but I have no expectations of him. I knew who he was before this came to pass and I remember who he is now. I just know that I couldn't go another second without telling him that I love him. I want a life with him, but I am fully prepared to let him go if he asks. I want him to be happy and if that means he's happy with someone else then I'm prepared to deal with that.

My undeath has to be about me. Not a man, vampire or demon. I am the one that has to live it. The only one. So from now on I am going to live it on MY TERMS.

Last night was one of the best of this undeath. To be back in his arms was amazing. To feel his warmth, the touch of his lips, how he makes my body feel so damn good.

But today is just as good. Knowing that I am responsible for my own happiness is liberating.

And I plan to ensure that I remain happy.

Love and kisses,

Sunshine

Choices

My undeath. My terms. It's time.

I need to be true to myself. To do so I must make changes. Changes are not easy for someone like me. I crave routine. It's how I survive. Not anymore. It's time to shake things up.

I've been safe for far too long. I've loved something longer than I should have. Not a person, but an idea of something that I built up so high it could never live up to the expectations.

Reality check. It's time to give up the fantasy and start actually living my undeath. It is the one thing that truly is mine.

I chose to be vampire because it's ingrained in my soul. It's who I am. I'm not that little girl that let herself be hurt. I am a strong woman standing on her own two feet. And it's high time I remember that.

So, sit back, buckle up, and prepare yourself for the new dawning of SUN. It's going to be a hell of a ride.

Love and kisses,

Sunshine.