Sun's FINAL Act

I started role play as a way to escape the misery that was my RL and to have fun. What I found were some very talented individuals that I am honored to have had the chance to play with. But somewhere along the line, there came to be childish individuals that decided they could destroy what I worked so hard to accomplish.

Over the last few days I've remained off stream and off role play. I've lurked from time to time and what I've seen has shocked me. Those I thought were "family" were the first to unfollow me or turn their backs. I've watched my name come out people's mouths when I'm nowhere around.

I've seen people I once respected become people I wouldn't wish to spend 5 seconds with. I've become ashamed that I once considered them friends. The backstabbing and the drama are out of hand and it seems all fingers wish to point towards me. So I've decided to end it. On my terms, in my way.

Tomorrow morning I'll say my goodbyes to those that have stood beside me through thick and thin and then I will be deleting my accounts. All except my RL ones. Those that matter have those and those that don't don't deserve them.

For my followers, thank you for investing your time and energy into my storylines. For my RP partners, thank you for the ride, it was great and I'll never forget you all.

I will not be lurking on TB RP. I will not be coming back. Sun's time has ended and it is time for the human that animated her to find a new outlet for her creativity. Blood Play the group will no longer exist. I'll be removing the websites and all content on Friday in order to give those that wish the chance to take what they wish.

As for Sun, well she'll be living happily on with her maker and her teacup Siena. Her immortal life does not end, but her twitter life does.

Before I go, I wish to thank two people that have never once turned their back on me. My Sonnyboy Chase, who has given me unconditional love and support. I love you more than you could ever know. I wish you the best in everything you do.

Amber, RP friendship turned to RL friendship. I value every second I get to spend chatting with you. I absolutely love and adore you beyond anyone else on this stream. You know loyalty! See you on gchat!

*wipes the tears and links arms with Kills, picking up Siena on our way out of this nightmare and on to bigger and better things.

Ramblings of a heartbroken vampire

How do I go on without you? Where do I find the strength? You are my entire world Dusk. My heart, my soul, everything that makes me ME.

You promised me forever. You promised me you'd never leave again. But you did. This emptiness is too painful to bear. I can't face the night not knowing you're in this world.

Killian tells me that I need to calm my emotions and move on. He doesn't understand. None of them understand. How can they? They weren't loved by you the way I was. They don't feel this gaping hole in their soul like I do.

I miss you so much already Dusk. I love you more than anything. I can't do this. We don't work as a family without you. How could you just leave us? How could you?

How do I find my way in this journey alone? It doesn't matter how many others are around me Dusk, without you, I am alone.

*sighs and leans back against the wall of your closet, holding your picture to my cold, unbeating heart.*

It was supposed to be you and me, for eternity. I love you. I have loved you. I will always love you. That never ends Dusk. WE NEVER END. Not Sunshine and Dusk. We're meant to be.

You're Always My Dusk, I'm Forever Your Sunshine. *whispers* I love you Always. Forever.

Meeting my maker.

One minute I was standing on a ladder and the next I was in his arms and kissing him. How did that happen? I've been asking myself that same question since it happened. Before I knew it I was in my office and we were naked. Not that I minded or anything. I mean, seriously, have you seen Killian?

But, even that doesn't make it okay for me to be having sex with him when my husband is missing. What I didn't know at the time was that I couldn't have resisted him even if I'd wanted to. Scary thing is, I wanted to be with him. Thinking back, I've wanted to be with him since he first appeared in town. I never acted on it of course. I love Draven. I always have.

Then, one night I woke to find my hubbypire missing. Yes, missing. It got complicated after that. I started spending more and more time with Killian. He made me happy. He still makes me happy. I find comfort in his arms and he smells just like Dusk. Yes, I know I sound crazy now, but remember Vampires have a good sense of smell.

Then, it got even more intense. Chase hated Killian. Mom wasn't his biggest fan. I was the only one who seemed to like him. Or I did until I woke screaming in pain and knew it was Draven. I could feel his pain, hear his growl. Killian held me and offered comfort. Until I decided to go search for Draven myself.

That started World War 3 in the Blood household. Killian argued that it was too dangerous. I argued that Draven was my husband and I was going no matter what. We were still arguing and I'd almost given in when Chase and Mom arrived. I was distracted and not really paying attention, so I didn't notice that they both looked sad and more than a little nervous. I wasn't listening to Chase or Mom as they spoke and it wasn't until Mom handed me that fucking box that I knew what they were trying to say.

I didn't believe them. My Dusk is not gone. I'd know it if he were. Killian would know it. So when I saw his ring and those ashes, I knew it was a warning. He is not final dead. I'll never believe it. I became more determined than ever to go find him. I grabbed Chase and was on my way out the door when IT happened.

Killian spoke. No, Killian commanded me to stop. AND I FROZE. I mean, literally froze where I was standing. It felt as though someone had climbed on my chest and was holding me in place. My body would not move.

I became frantic. I had no fucking clue what was happening to me. I looked from Killian to Mom and back again over and over. I was pleading with Mom to tell me what was happening. I'd never felt this before. I was terrified for the first time since I was turned.

Six words cleared it all up. Six words I never would've expected to come out of Killian's mouth directed at ME. Those words will haunt me til the day I meet final death.

"As your maker I command you...."

It didn't matter what came after them. It all clicked. The call of my maker was too strong to deny. As it dawned on me, my body was moving to his side. And at his side I would remain as I was commanded to do. I stared at him in disbelief and shock.

Killian is my maker.

There was no denying it. I am the Child of my bonded's Child.

When I figure out how and why, you'll be the first to know. Until then, well, I'll just be Sun, Child of Killian.

Being Sunshine

As I embark upon this undeath within the role of creator/admin of Blood Play I felt it time to take a moment and give some insight into Sunshine Marie Spencer dé Morte - di Castello - dé Lioncourt - May - Blood.

Say that ten times fast.

I am vampire.

What else do you need to know?

Oh yes, you wish to know about being Sunshine. Well, being Sunshine is the most fun I've ever had. It's also the most trying. I struggle nightly to remain true to a character that I created.

You see, Sunshine is not just vampire. She is so much more. She is bits and pieces of the human who animates her thrown in with the fictional character. She gets her attitude from that human. But she also gets her heart from her too.

Sun is a vampire that fights hard to maintain her humanity. Even when faced with tragedy and heartbreak, she's clear that she'd rather feel the emotions than face an eternity with none.

Unlike the human behind the character, Sun is happily married and very much in love with her Dusk. Their love story is one that touches my soul every single night on Twitter. Sun and Draven have found something rare and real. They work hard to keep it on track now that they've finally found their way to eternity together.

They've created a family together that consists of human teacups and vampire creations. Sunshine is much like that human behind her in that she'd protect her children to all extremes. Including laying her own un-life down for them. Any of them.

Sunshine is happy in her personal life and more than happy in her professional life. She's worked hard to get where she is and she's earned her respect. Sunshine is loyal if nothing else. Business always comes first. Sun does not break the laws of her kind. And she does NOT like being put in a position where she may be forced to. The human behind Sun hates for people to spring things on her in RP. Sometimes it's ok but if it puts Sun in a position where it is OUT OF CHARACTER the huamn becomes a bitch.

Also unlike the human, Sunshine has a large family. She's been adopted by three vampires and a demon. Her family is her life line so to speak. They protect her and love her without conditions. Sunshine would do anything for those she loves and her family, she loves.

Much like the human, Sunshine loves shoes. Unlike the human, Sun is never seen without her stilettos. She is designer all the way. She does not wear pants often and when you see her in jeans or flats, worry.

So there you have it..what it's like being Sunshine. Thank you for following and letting me live out her undeath nightly.

SUN

Undeath, as usual.....

Going to ground has always been the one thing that soothes my tortured soul. So when I went to ground Wednesday night I thought I'd wake to feeling rejuvenated and relaxed. I'd hoped to rise with a better understanding of why things had happened the way they did.

Instead I woke startled in the middle of the day. My soul and heart felt empty. An emptiness I hadn't felt since Dusk had returned and pulled me into his embrace earlier this year. I couldn't put my finger on it. Something just wasn't right.

I called to him repeatedly through the bond of our blood to no avail. He just wasn't there. I couldn't feel him. Panic set in and I began to claw my way out of the grave I'd placed myself in.

Chase stopped it with the promise of finding him. That child of mine is very in tune with my feelings. With his promise I calmed some, but continued to try calling to Dusk.

It wasn't long before self-doubt crept in. The memories flooded me of that night I found his nest empty. Of the night my world dropped out from under my feet and my entire life changed. I tried hard to tell myself that this was not the same. We are not the same. Dusk would not just leave his family.

Not my Dusk. Not now. When the sun finally set I frantically clawed my way out and sped into our home to look for him. He wasn't there. I felt the world spin, this was bad. He had simply vanished. Just like before. Once again the doubts crept in.

Had he just left? What did this mean for our family? How do I explain his absence? Especially now.

You see, now is the worse time possible for one of us to just be gone. We've taken in a teacup, his child has returned, my professional life is busier than ever and we've only been married a little over a month. How could this have happened? And how do I fix it?

How does one go about finding someone who has simply ceased to be? Because in essence that's what's happened. My Dusk is gone. I can't feel him. I can't find him. I can't communicate with him.

How do I hide my fears and pain from my children? Especially my vampire ones? They can feel it all, they know what I feel, they know how scared I really am. But, I can't face them. I can't face him being gone.

To face it means it's real. And if it's real it means he's truly gone. And I could never face that. I'd rather have met final death than to ever lose him again. So, what do I do?

I guess I go about undeath as usual. Explain away his absence and secretly search for him. And in the meantime I simply try to not fall apart. No one can know that he's gone. Not a single soul. They have to believe he's away on business.

Why?

Because his absence opens up too many unknowns and I don't have the strength to deal with those and losing him. I just can't.

~Sun~

An open letter from the human that animates SUN

America. The wonderful country I live in that gives me the right to FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Guess what I use it. If I wish to post a blip and bitch, it's my right. Don't like it? UNFUCKINGFOLLOW. No fucking skin off my back.

Want to call me out for blipping something that never had a name attached? Go right ahead. Unless I specifically SAY YOUR NAME...why do you just ASSUME it's about you? I could be talking about a bitch from a whole other section of the world.

You create account after account to stalk me and harass those I RP with? Sounds like your life is B-O-R-I-N-G!! I'm sick of keeping my mouth shut. So guess what I'm opening it. Wanna talk about how people are "sick" of me? Go ahead..Yet my followers aren't going down...Wanna call me a bitch? Yep, I sure the fuck am..Thank you for noticiing. I sit back and listen to people run their fucking mouths about me all damn day long. Don't say a fucking word. Why? Cuz I find it funny as fuck when their so called friends run back and TELL ME every fucking word they said.

Talk about me. Talk all you want. I can handle it. Want me gone? Too bad, so fucking sad for you. YOU don't run my LIFE. I DO. Always fucking have. Always fucking will. You have a BLOCK and UNFOLLOW BUTTON...USE THE FUCKING THING.

Oh yeah and since everyone fucking is sick of me....guess those 60+ RPers that joined BLOOD PLAY are just figments of my imagination, right?

The human is pissed. The vampire will be watching the stream and calming down before she posts. I regret deleting the fucking tweets. Why? Because I FUCKING MEANT THEM. Damage done? OH MOTHER FUCKING WELL. SO FUCKING BE IT. At the end of the day, my REAL friends will be here. In fact I do believe I'll start unfollowing. My stream sure will be nicer without a bunch of people who fucking hate me so much.

The Human,
Donna aka SUN

A heart broken

Betrayal.

Heartbroken.

How could he keep this from me? It's as if I've never really known him. To keep this from me is the ultimate betrayal.

And yet, my heart feels nothing. Empty. Numb. His turning another? More than I can bare. He knew, he felt how desperately I wanted him to be the one. He pushed me away with words that now mean nothing. Words of protection, and how I was too young. Lies. All of them lies.

And now? Now I have to see his creation every night. Have to deal with their relationship. Fight my attraction to him. And learn to trust Dusk again. When all I really wish is to go to ground until I feel better. Hide.

Hide from myself more than anyone. I know that I shouldn't feel this hurt. I know his reasons but my heart still aches knowing that no matter how it happened, he still turned another.

Where do we go from here? Can this be fixed? We've survived worse. And yet.......

I can't even think past now. I am so overwhelmed by it all. And then to feel his creation's emotions. To know the pain he's felt. To have felt the anguish in which he rose. A story that must come out. A story that I need to hear.

For now, I simply must find a way to stay above ground and focus on trying to keep this family together. ALL of this family. Because no matter what, Killian is now family.

I think I'll find my way to his arms, and for just tonight, not think about the consequences of it all.

Teacups

Teacups and vampires normally don't mix, and yet I find myself wanting more of them. After giving up Siena at birth and then being turned, I never once thought about being a mother. Then fate stepped in and gave me the chance to get back what I never really knew I wanted.

To see her angelic face and not love her would have been like asking me to refrain from drinking blood for the rest of eternity. Simply not possible. Of course she'd crossed my mind over the years but I just managed to push those thoughts away. Then when Brandee showed me the picture of her foster child, I knew, no I felt that I was her mother.

Telling Dusk was the hardest thing I've ever done. His reaction was somewhat confusing but when he told me that he was her father through some strange ass spell gone wrong, I knew that fate had brought us to this point in our lives for a reason. We were meant to raise this teacup. We are her parents and we love her more than you can imagine.

The adjusment seemed to happen quickly. My restraint grows daily and she is learning why Mommy and Daddy are different and has even begun to ask questions about what it's like to be vampire. Not that I'd ever let her see the real dark side, but eventually, when she's old enough, if she wishes to be turned, one of us will do so.

I'm sure I'll catch hell for that last statement, but you have to understand that I knew at an early age this is what I wanted to be. Vampire. So when I'd reached that point in life where I was ready I sought out a maker. Siena won't have far to seek if she chooses. And the choice will be hers and hers alone. No one will pressure her into either lifestyle.

Enough on that subject and back to teacups we go. We have the opportunity now to help out a teacup in need of stability. His mother is one courageous vampire with a heart that is filled with love for him. She's breaking that heart to do what's right for him and I admire her more than she could ever imagine.

Dusk and I discussed this situation at great length and knowing that Scarlett has her son's best interests at heart we've agreed to open our homes and hearts to Darius. She will remain an active, loving mother to her son and our home will be hers as well when she needs it. We will not be his parents, we will simply be Aunt Sun and Uncle Draven and will love him as if he were our own.

We'll treat him no different than Siena or Chase. He will want for nothing, will have rules and structure in his day, and will be loved and protected at all costs.

So there you have it. Very shortly we will be adding to our family. So please make Darius feel welcomed and loved. He is a very special young boy that deserves the best in life. And if you see his mommy Scarlett, tell her how amazing she is. Because this vampire is the bravest one I know.

We love you both very much Scarlett and Darius. Welcome to the craziness that is the Blood Family.

Sunshine.

An open letter to my followers

OOC/IC an issue has been weighing on my heart lately concerning Sun. Before it gets out of hand I feel that I should address this with all of my followers. While I understand that hugs, touching, etc are ways of expressing friendship on here it is getting out of hand. The character of Sun is a character who was severely abused as a child. For her to be hugged and touched this much is not something she would be comfortable with. If you've ever met a victim of abuse you realize that touching is something that is associated with pain.

For those that do not know the backstory of the Sun character I'll give the Reader's Digest version. At the age of six her father began abusing her physically. The beatings were severe enough to leave her near death on more than one occasion. Even after meeting Draven, she found herself withdrawing from his touch. To this day she has moments when touching is not something she will allow.

I've let it go on this long trying to be nice but now I feel the need to put an end to it immediately. If you are not her immediate family or a very close friend I ask that you please refrain from random hugs, kisses, back rubs, or any form of touching. If Sun hugs you first then by all means hug back. She and I love all of the followers with all of our hearts. But I need to remain true to the character of Sun and the backstory that has been well established.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to play Sun with conviction and honesty. This will also hopefully free up sometime for me to be able to speak with more of you throughout the night as I won't constantly be hugging a million times a night.

Sunshine

Family.

What exactly does it mean? To me it used to mean sadness, pain and hate. The one day I met this pretty fairy named Laurana and she became my best friend. After that I met her family. And boy was that family HUGE.

They accepted me into their lives because of her and I found something I'd never had. For the first time I had a real family.

I quickly learned that in this family, we protect one another. No one harms another member of us without at least five or more of us popping up to defend that person. That's what family is about.

Mom, Daddy, Mum and Pere have shown me the joy of having parents that support and love their children. Their love is unconditional and constant. No matter the issue or problem they are always there to listen, love and support.

Every member of this family is special to me. I've finally found something that was always lacking in my life. They opened their arms, hearts and lives to me and mine and I am forever grateful to have them in my life.

So, what is family you ask?

For me it's a mixture of all beings that have chosen to come together as a family unit. It's love and acceptance. Just because we don't share DNA doesn't make us any less of a family. We choose to be there for one another. We choose to love one another. We choose to fight beside one another.

That's family. And I have the best damn family ever.

Sunshine.

Drama Llamas....

This blog shouldn't even need to be posted. I thought we were all adults on this site, but apparently not.

Drama llamas have been running rampant through the streams lately and frankly it's gotten real old real quick.

So let me make a suggestion if I may. If you don't like someone, block them. If you hate a bitch cuz she called you a whore, block her. If your friend hates someone and you want to show support, block them. If you just can't stand the looks of someone and hate seeing them in your stream... you guessed it BLOCK THEM

What is this insane need to go attack someone because your friend can't stand them? I just don't get it. Grow the fuck up already.

If you need to call a bitch out, by all means call her or him out in an adult way. Say your peace then block the dumbass and move the fuck on.

This running back and forth and causing bitches stress is childish and you're only showing the stream how stupid you are.

Once you've blocked the fucktard tell all of your friends and followers NOT TO RT the bullshit posts from them. All that is going to do is keep the drama going. Let the bitch run her mouth. Let her enjoy the sound of her own tweets. Let her little friends pat her back and call her a brave girl. Let her make a fool of herself.

Sit back quietly and let her do herself in. Because sooner or later the stream will get tired of her crap and unfollow her dumb ass too. In the meantime you come out smelling like roses because you were adult enough to keep from saying how stupid she is.

In the end it's all about being the bigger person. Every one of these characters has a RL person behind them. When you attack someone remember that you don't know what kind of day that person has had and what they may be going through IRL.

I'll shut the fuck up now since I'm sure you're all sick of me now.

Peace.

Sunshine.

G-Mama

Grandmother.

Grandma.

Nana.

Granny.

Not a single one of those words even comes close to describing me. But it's what I'm becoming thanks to my Sonnyboy and the beautiful human he's helped make my daughter.

It seems my Chase was busy procreating before he was turned and now Beth is carrying what will be my grandson. As much as I don't like any of those icky words above I am so very excited and happy about this teacup.

Yes, I've already begun to spoil him and he's still a little peanut in his mommy's belly. But it's my right to spoil him. Only the best for my grandson.

Tonight they announced they will be naming him Draysun Chase Blood. A combination of mine and Dusk's names. He is so proud and happy, as am I.

My grandson will grow up surrounded by love. He'll never want for anything or ever wonder if he is loved.

I can't wait to meet this little teacup and smother him in kisses. It will be nice to see Siena and Draysun grow up together. They'll be more like brother and sister than Aunt and nephew. I hope they are close, it will be good for both to have the other to help support them in a house full of vampires.

So, what will I be called? G-Mama. Unless my sweet grandson finds another word he likes more. I think I may just whisper in his ear often so that he calls me Sun-Sun. Shhh, don't tell my kids.


Sunshine.

Who is this vampire?

Draven.

Dusk.

Who the fuck is this man I married? He's not the vampire I know or love. This vampire is a shell of his former self.

The Dusk I know would've stood in front of me with fangs bared and fought to final death to defend me. Not push me to my own.

Never in my undeath or life did I think he'd be the one to not be there for me. Yet it was his actions that broke my heart and shattered my soul so intensely that I just wanted to end it all for the first time since being turned.

This vampire is not my husband. He is someone I don't even know anymore. So I left. Walked away.

I can't be with someone who doesn't protect or support me. Not now, not ever. It is his job as my husband. He promised me that.

Now here I sit, alone, with our child and no Dusk. Where do we go from here? Can it be salvaged? Can he be the vampire I need?

And if not can I really walk away from the only soul I've loved this deeply?

I don't know. All I know is unless he changes, I don't want to see him ever again. I will not survive another moment like that.

So wherever you are Draven Blood, I love you. Please come back to me.

Sunshine.

A Fairytale Wedding

The night began with a nervous bride sneaking out to hunt. After successfully calming my nerves by feeding on tourists, it was time to get dressed and beautiful. Thank Godric for Laurana and her talent at making me beautiful. Brandee, Jai, Elektra and Amber all managed to keep me calm and get me into that dress in time to go marry the vampire of my dreams.

Mom stopped into make me cry by saying how proud the 'rents are of me. I hope they know how much I love being in this family. Finally it was time for Daddy and Pere to walk me down the aisle. Mum of course sent love and pride. One by one I watched my bridesmaids walk down that aisle to stand by the beach and then it was my turn.

Taking Daddy's and Pere's arms, I rushed them to get to Dusk quicker. Seeing him standing there was the best damn thing I'd ever seen. He looked so handsome in his tux and Chase was right next to him. My family. The vampires I love most in this world. On the other side sitting with Mom and Daddy was Siena. The little girl who's already stolen the hearts of everyone in this family.

Pastor Wilkins did a beautiful job with the ceremony. Even though I'm sure quite a few in the crowd was picturing him as their midnight snack. His words were inspiring, and brought home just how special bonding and marriage are for vampires. It's not every day two souls find their way together the way Dusk and I have. Our blood was mixed and we drank, strengthening a bond that is unbreakable. Our wrists were bound to symbolize the joing of our bodies and souls. Then it came time for the vows.

As Dusk spoke, the tears came. His words were so touching and to hear him speak from his heart made me realize once more just how lucky I am. To be loved by this vampire, so completely is truly my greatest blessing in this undeath. He is always there, no matter the circumstance.

After I regained my composure enough to speak, I spoke from my heart to tell him how very much I love him. This love of ours is romantic and unending. We have loved one another through many lifetimes, each one more intense than the last. Our time has come where immortality is a constant for us both and the future seems long and happy.

To have shared this with our family and friends was the greatest thing we could've done. Now it's on to the Happily Ever After we've both dreamt of for a long time.

Sunshine.


For those that missed the ceremony below are the wedding vows Dusk and I exchanged.


Draven's vows: u know...we have lived many lives, you & I....so to some, this would seem old hat, yet it is never any less special to me than it was the very first time. You truly do complete me, in every way...when we are apart I am half of a larger whole. This ceremony simply lets the whole world know what we already do...that we are two halves of the same whole. You are my Sunshine.I am your Dusk. I love you to the depths of my soul and always shall. Be mine forever, once again.


Sun's vows: I've loved you from the moment I met you Dusk. Tonight I stand here with my best friend promising to love and respect you for eternity. I promise to never give up on us, to always stand beside you as your partner in good times and bad. I will be your shoulder to cry on, your hand to hold, your strength when you feel you have none and your reminder that are loved.I will fight beside you and always support you. My forever belongs to you. You are and always will be the vampire I love with all of me. Our bond remains unbroken and from this moment forward we are one soul. I love you Dusk.

Revelations

How much information can a vampire handle in one night. Especially the night before her wedding. Not that it was bad news. In fact it was great news. Just shocking.

Three years ago, I said goodbye to someone I loved so much it nearly killed me to do so. In that moment of pain and weakness I ventured out and met someone trying to dull the pain just a little. Little did I know that I'd come to think it was the best thing I'd ever done.

Tonight I learned that the man I slept with was none other than my Dusk. He'd done something so daring and loving to be with me. He'd had a witch cast a spell and turn him human. Little did he know that I wouldn't recognize him as human. So the night my Siena was conceived, was the night I spent with the human version of the only one I've loved so deeply I'd die for him.

Not only did he give me the gift of his child but in doing so he gave me the gift of my mother. I can't remember the last time I've spoken to her until tonight.

Draven has given me the greatest gifts he ever could. Tonight he learned he's a father. Tomorrow he meets his daughter for the first time.

Sometimes the biggest mistake of your life turns out to be the best thing you've ever done.

Sunshine.

SunnehBunneh, officially...

What a night! What an opportunity. Who knew that Magister thought I was even qualified for such a job.

I'm still in shock. Happy shock, but shock none the less. An Emissary. Me.

All of my dreams are coming true at the same time. To have Mom, Daddy, Mum and Pere there was so amazing. Seeing the pride in their eyes and feeling how happy they were for me made me want to work harder. This family truly loves me. I've never had that from anyone except Dusk and now I have this large group of individuals that love me just because I'm me. Yes, I am indeed truly blessed.

Speaking of Dusk, where would I be without him? Most likely dead. He gives me the strength and the support I need to reach for the stars. It is because he loves me that I felt I could even think about wanting to work for the Magister.

I am slowly seeing the vampire he sees. I take strength from him. The strength I'll need to face the next chapter.

Now onto the next chapter in my undeath. Things are falling into place. I've got the dream husband, the dream job, my Sonnyboy and my family and friends.

It's time to spread my wings and fly. Time to show the world exactly what Sunshine is made of.

Sunshine.

As It Should Be....

The night started out as any other, except we were on the island and just playing around. I love those moments with Dusk. The moments he's free and enjoys himself. That's the vampire I've loved forever.

We swam and walked the moonlit beach as we did so long ago. I could feel the stress of the wedding plans slipping away as he held me. His laughter filled my soul with peace, as it always does. It was when we were laying on the beach that the idea hit me. We should just run off and get married.

I brought it up, thinking he'd never go for it. I mean I'd been engrossed in wedding details since the moment he asked. But when he looked up at me and asked if it would make it all easier on me, I knew he wanted it as much as I did. So when he agreed I quickly took advantage of it before he changed his mind.

Before we knew it we were in Vegas and thinking we should take the night to make sure it was what we wanted to do. That was until he saw how sad I was. It was then that he showed me once more just how much he loves me.

The ceremony was short, sweet and to the point. With a Bubba look alike officiating no less. Chase, GissyBeth and Jai all found this hilarious. To be honest I thought it was a riot myself. But it was perfect for us.

He doesn't always come across as playful, but the moments alone that he shows that side of himself to me are special. Every time I feel as if I'm seeing straight into his soul. Draven is the sweetest, most caring soul I've ever known. He has never changed.

When he laughs, I find joy in life. When he smiles, I find happiness. When he holds me, I find peace. He is my best friend, my lover and now my husband. He has always been my forever.

Our forever is now. Every second of every night is a new beginning in our undeaths. It's been a long, strange journey to get here. A journey that no matter how far it took us apart always brought us back together. No matter what happens from this point on, we are one. As we have always been, as we always shall be. Our souls are joined by love. A love so deep that it has spanned countless lifetimes and countless endings.

Here we stand, Draven and Sun, as one. As it should be.

Sunshine.

Draven's

Oh. My. Godric. I am getting married.

So the night started out with Dusk showing up in town to defend me once again and I asked him to stay the night. Thankfully he agreed. We spent the night in bed, talking, laughing, doing naughty things (that was my favorite part) and just enjoying being together while we could.

As the night wore on, I began to dread him leaving. My heart was breaking all over again. I knew I couldn't bare to see him leave. So I clung to him and just tried to focus on enjoying him while he was here.

I felt the sadness creeping in as it got later and later. And before I knew what was happening he was on bended knee holding out the most beautiful ring I've ever seen and asking me to marry him.

I immediately said Yes. There was never any doubt. Looking at him there I just knew. I knew that this was right. That no matter how much I try to say I need time alone, I can't ever be happy without him.

Draven is my life. My entire world. He's the reason I smile every night. He's the reason I get out of bed. He's my joy, my happiness, the greatest love of my existence.

And now, he's my fiancee. He's the vampire I wish to spend eternity with. I am truly blessed that he loves me. And completely in love with him.

I am, as always, Draven's.

Sunshine

Finding my way

I've picked myself up off that floor. The first battle has been won. I am standing. I am strong. I can and will survive this.

Watching him walk out of that door was the hardest thing I've ever done. Everything in me wanted to run after him, beg him to not go. Yet I stood still, knowing that this is what is best for us both.

If I had stayed, I would have ended up hurting him worse. I need to spread my wings and fly. I need to find my moment in the spotlight. Alone.

I've relied on Draven for far too long. I've let him carry me and protect me. Because I love him and needed it at the time. Now, well now I need to know I am still that girl that survived all those years and found her way to her true being.

I am vampire now. My outer strength now matches my inner strength. I have always been a fighter. I have always found my way. I will do so again.

I need to allow myself to feel the pain, to cry, to hurt. Because I am hurting. But sometimes you have to hurt yourself to find what it is that will make you feel whole again.

I've never questioned his love for me or mine for him. This is not about our love. This is about finding Sun again. This is about letting someone go so I can find my way back to the vampire he deserves.

Going through the motions of undeath was smothering me. It just got too hard to get out of bed every night. He was the only reason I continued to do so. I need to find the reasons outside of him. I need to know there is more to my undeath than just being bonded.

So I set out on a path that is completely unknown to me. A path that will hopefully lead me to happiness. A path that just may lead me to myself.

Without knowing who I am or what I want I can never be who he loves. He sees something in me that I've never seen. He sees greatness and this is my way of proving to myself that he's right.

So welcome to my discovery. Perhaps we'll all learn a little about what Sunshine is truly made of. And if you happen to see him, tell him I'm fighting for both of us. If you happen to see me in tears, let them fall, but remind me that tears only last mere seconds in eternity. It is the laughter and the smiles that shall remain for a lifetime. Then help me find them.

Sunshine.

Broken by choice

How do you just let forever walk away? How do you get over a love that deep? How do you pick up the pieces of a heart so broken it's irrepairable?

Do you just one day wake up and not miss him anymore? Or do you spend forever regretting your mistake?

Even a shattered heart still feels love. Even a shattered soul still longs for him.

Empty arms, empty life, empty death.

Hollow.

Broken.

Lost.

Empty.

Alone.

My choice.

My stupidity. What happens when you wake up and realize that what's been missing is him? Do you spend forever trying to forget how much it hurts to not have him?

Does it get easier? Do you ever get up off the floor? Do you ever find the strength to get through the night?

When you walk away from love, do you close your heart off? Or is it better to feel the pain?

A pain so deep it nearly kills you. A pain so sharp it brings you to your knees.

Finding the strength to stand again will be the hardest battle I've ever faced. If I can make it through tonight, then I'll have just a tiny bit more strength to face tomorrow.

Determination is one thing I have in spades. I've never given up. I simply need to remember who I am. It is then that I find my path. I will be ok. I simply have no choice.

I can't let him down.

Sunshine.