Finding my way

I've picked myself up off that floor. The first battle has been won. I am standing. I am strong. I can and will survive this.

Watching him walk out of that door was the hardest thing I've ever done. Everything in me wanted to run after him, beg him to not go. Yet I stood still, knowing that this is what is best for us both.

If I had stayed, I would have ended up hurting him worse. I need to spread my wings and fly. I need to find my moment in the spotlight. Alone.

I've relied on Draven for far too long. I've let him carry me and protect me. Because I love him and needed it at the time. Now, well now I need to know I am still that girl that survived all those years and found her way to her true being.

I am vampire now. My outer strength now matches my inner strength. I have always been a fighter. I have always found my way. I will do so again.

I need to allow myself to feel the pain, to cry, to hurt. Because I am hurting. But sometimes you have to hurt yourself to find what it is that will make you feel whole again.

I've never questioned his love for me or mine for him. This is not about our love. This is about finding Sun again. This is about letting someone go so I can find my way back to the vampire he deserves.

Going through the motions of undeath was smothering me. It just got too hard to get out of bed every night. He was the only reason I continued to do so. I need to find the reasons outside of him. I need to know there is more to my undeath than just being bonded.

So I set out on a path that is completely unknown to me. A path that will hopefully lead me to happiness. A path that just may lead me to myself.

Without knowing who I am or what I want I can never be who he loves. He sees something in me that I've never seen. He sees greatness and this is my way of proving to myself that he's right.

So welcome to my discovery. Perhaps we'll all learn a little about what Sunshine is truly made of. And if you happen to see him, tell him I'm fighting for both of us. If you happen to see me in tears, let them fall, but remind me that tears only last mere seconds in eternity. It is the laughter and the smiles that shall remain for a lifetime. Then help me find them.

Sunshine.